In A Black Fug

I have to confess, I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday and it's left me feeling a bit downhearted.  Not about my writing especially but just about life in general.  I have two children, a husband, a house and a job, I'm also a part time unpaid secretary for my husband's business. And I'm trying to write. 

No matter what I do, there are never enough hours in the day.   My kids are involved in all sorts of sporting activities after school and at the weekend.  They are popular children and have lots of friends.  My husband plays golf.  And in my spare time I, well I wash, iron, cook, clean and most depressing of all I pick up the used detritus of their everyday lives that they just can't be bothered to put away because that's what's mum's there for.  I have tried to train them, honest I have, but the only thing I have achieved is to turn myself into a nag.  A friend of my son's summed it up on Friday when he said that my youngest son reminded him of his cat - that only had a memory of about 3 seconds too!

I know I shouldn't complain, I know that my life is charmed compared to others, I know I'm  not living in Japan or any other disastor ridden country.  I'm not poor (I'm not rich either) but you know what I mean and I have my health and a family who loves me (when I'm not shouting at them that is).

Normally I can cope with a busy life, it may dishearten me from time to time but it doesn't completely floor me.  Perhaps it was because my husband had kept me awake most of the previous  night with his snoring (he should be thankful that all the sharp implements are kept downstairs) or it could be this combined with the good old hormones.

Men may laugh at hormones, or blame them for everything that is wrong with the woman in their lives, but I think they should be just damn grateful that them don't have to experience them from the inside.

Yesterday my husband did the best thing he could. He made a tactical retreat and took himself and our sons out of the firing line.  What he actually did was leave me feeling lonely, unloved and unloveable, but lets face it, he wasn't going to win either way so on reflection it was the right thing to do.

And whilst I felt as though the whole world was painted black, deep down I knew it would pass, and I would wake up soon wondering what all the fuss was about.

Depression is a terrible thing and I thank God that whenever it crosses my path it is only fleeting.  When I think of people like Marianne Keyes who have or who are still suffering from long term depression I admire them enormously.  The tenactity just to keep living when every day is surrounded by the black fug is a strength that can only be commended.

So moan over, sorry to bore you all, but sometimes you just need to get it out of your system. 

Now, back to real life, where did I put that broomstick?

Normal Service Resumed

It's been a while I know, but we had a fab two week holiday in Lanzarote and its taken me a while to catch up - especially with the never decreasing pile of ironing!

The weather was brilliant while we were away and it was wonderful to think that we were lying by the pool in winter.  It really cheered me up and made me wonder if I had actually been suffering from SAD syndrome.

In contrast to the laziness of being on holiday my real life is considerably more chaotic.  I've often wanted to make my life less busy but with two young boys who are mad on sports and joining every club going its impossible - Mum's taxi is always in hot demand.  I'll just have wait for another another ten years until they can drive themselves - or better still drive me.

Normally when I'm on holiday I scribble like mad in my notebook and usually manage to write a substantial amount of the current WIP.  But this year I'm about to go into edit mode and inspiration deserted me.  I did manage a very rough draft of two short stories but apart from that gave myself a holiday and spent most of my free time reading.  I'll be posting reviews of my holiday reads in another post.

This week saw the start of Lent.  I  can't say that I'm very good at giving up things I like, so was quite surprised when my youngest child decided he was going to give up chocolate for the duration.  On the first morning he came downstairs and asked if giving up chocolate meant that he couldn't have Cocoa pops.  When I said yes he would have to have something else instead he went away to think.  Five minutes later he came back to me and said, "Mummy, I've decided not to give up chocolate for Lent, I'm going to give up the Wii, instead."

I wonder how long that one will last.

Back soon.

Why Am I So Rubbish At Packing?

It's no good, I’m going to have to admit defeat - I’m useless at packing. We’re going away next week – two weeks in the sun for hubby’s (big) birthday. I can’t wait to be lying by the pool chipping away at my tbr pile but getting there is another matter entirely.

It doesn’t matter how hard I try I always take too much. I’ll end up wearing clothes on holiday that I don’t want to wear but feel I have to, to justify their presence in my suitcase. (That’s just reminded me of check in torture wondering if my cases are over the kg limit).

And it’s not just a case of too much or too little – there’s always the question of not enough for the right kind of weather.

We’re going to Lanzarote so I’m expecting warm and poolside. But what if its not and I spend the whole time shivering? And then there’s the evenings when it’s bound to be cooler!!! AHHH!

If it’s bad enough packing for myself I’ve also got to pack for the kids.

I wish I could be more like my husband who throws three of everything in at the last minute but my mind is too busy with the what ifs????? It’s taking over my life!

Is this a writer’s dilemma do you think?

New Year's Resolutions

OK so I know its a bit late for resolutions but....

I decided this year I wasn't going to make any yearly resolutions because basically they would be the same as last year - get a novel out there, read more, declutter the house, create more time for writing etc etc. I have found that having a resolution with a time span of a whole year simply doesn't work for me because you think you have loads of time and then suddenly its December.

Towards the end of last year I started setting myself monthy writing targets.  I found that this shorter space of time geared me up to work harder and while some months I set myself too many tasks, at least I had a list that I could tick off as I went. A ticked list gives me a huge sense of satisfaction (saddo that I am) and even a half ticked off list is better than none.

So this year my new year's resolution was to set myself monthly targets for both my writing and at home.  Now, that January is nearly at a end I have some ticks and some not.  One of the tasks I set myself for my writing took me alot longer than I had anticipated but I have worked really hard on it so I don't feel I should beat myself up too much over that.

One of my goals for January was to join the Romantic Novelists Association. I've wanted to join for a few years now but never managed to apply in time - applications for the New Writer's Scheme opens in January and usually get filled up quite quickly. But this year I was on the ball and am now officially a member.

This is something I'm really excited about, not only for the chance to meet other writers (if I manage to attend any of the events) but also for the opportunity to submit a completed script for an appraisal.

I have decided to work on the novel I started on for NaNoWriMo. I completed a very rough first draft of this at the end of December, so after a month of working on other projects, February will see me starting to whip this into shape (well attempting to anyway).

I am the kind of person who responds to deadlines and I realise that at the moment the only person who is going to set these for me is myself, and now with something concrete in mind I'm feeling really optimistic about the year ahead.

Hear's hoping I'm still feeling optimistic as August looms!

The King's Speech

I went to see The King's Speech on Wednesday with some friends. I must admit I was rather sceptical before I went. Sometimes when a film has such rave reviews you go expecting greatness and come back feeeling a little short changed. It was definitely not the case with this film.


I'm sure the film has been reviewed by people much more knowledgeable than myself on the industry but we all know what we like and what we don't like, and yes, I definitely liked this film. As far as the plot's concerned, and compared to other films, on paper there's not alot going on. Although the abdication was a major event in history and probably has changed all our lives even without us realising, because we know what is going to happen I suppose the storyline could have had the potential to be a little dull in places.

Dull it was not. In fact I was gripped all the way through. This came from fantastic characterisation, acting and dialogue.

Colin Firth was brilliant, as his accolades have shown, but so were all the other actors. I particularly loved the part that Geoffrey Rush played and the interaction betweent the two characters was superb; both funny and heart rendering at the same time.  And I have to say that casting Timothy Spall as Winston Churchill was sublime.  He was absoultely brilliant.

The film was funny, serious and compassionate and when he went to make the speech, I think I may have actually stopped breathing for a short while.

I would definitely recommend this film and I might even go again!

All in all it was a marvelous evening out and it was especially lovely to spend some time with friends without the company of husbands and children.  It does you good to step off the hamster wheel every now and again.

Have a good weekend and if you get a chance go and see the film!

It's No Use! I'm addicted

Some women go crazy for shoes, some for handbags.  And whilst I have a fair share of both, its books I can’t resist when I’m out shopping. And notebooks. And stationery. Of any kind really.

My tbr pile is reaching dangerous, skyscraper proportions, I’ve  started keeping books in different  cupboards in the house as there are too many to store in just one place and I’ve even siphoned some off to store in my desk at work.

So, after an expensive Christmas where I slithered into the dodgy depths of overdraft, I swore that January would be a book buying free month. I would curb my impulses and keep my hands firmly in my pockets.  I would refuse to buy any more books until my stash is somewhat diminished.  

So far this month I’ve done really well.  I’ve averted my eyes in the supermarket and refused to go anywhere near the deadly shops of sin.  But on Saturday I needed to transfer some money and what did I do? Yes, you guessed it I bought not one but two books.  In fairness they are not for me, they are presents for other people and what nicer things to receive as presents I ask you?

But all the same, it proves one thing.  I am addicted.

What are you addicted to?

Happy New Year!

A rather belated greeting I’m afraid but last week was a bit hectic to say the least.

My youngest son has the misfortune of having his birthday on 5 January. I always feel sorry for him because by the time Christmas and New Year is over I often find that I have run out of steam. Usually I just want everything to get back to normal rather than have to start the celebrations all over again. The fact that most people also feel this way forces me to try just that little bit harder to make his birthday enjoyable.

This year though his birthday was dogged by illness. Both my husband and myself had been feeling under the weather at New Year, so it was a very quiet one, with us seeing the New Year in at home and then going straight to bed. To be honest my bed had been calling me for a long time before midnight but I stuck it out because, well, you have to don’t you?

On Tuesday it was back to work (which to be honest was a bit of a relief) but because the children didn’t go back to school until the next day my husband had taken the day off to look after them. I thought everything was on schedule for the next day; presents sorted, party numbers confirmed, friends coming round after school, only to find when I got home that husband’s feeling a bit under the weather had morphed into full blown flu. At first I thought it was a bit of the man flu type flu but as my husband isn’t one to take to his bed I had to revise my cynicism. In fact he was off work for the whole week, which I have never seen before - as he’s self-employed he usually goes to work even when he probably shouldn’t – he spent most of the week in bed and didn’t even want anything to eat apart from the odd bowl of soup until Friday.

So, I cancelled the friends round from school – didn’t think their parents would appreciate them catching the flu after only being back at school for one day – took both the boys out for tea on my own, and even managed his party at Quasar on my own too – that was fun! All this between working flat out at work, school runs, housework and looking after sick husband.

I did my best though and I think youngest son enjoyed himself. Can’t say I didn’t try anyway.

Husband’s better now, apart from a hacking cough which just doesn’t seem to want to pack its bags, and life truly can get back to normal. Thankfully!

Hope everyone's New Year is off to a good start.